about to leave...

in the next couple of hours ill be flying away. usually i feel excited but now i dont know why i dont. maybe its because ive been out of the country a lot that its no longer appealing. im excited though because i went undergarment shopping earlier... hehehe.. fancy briefs are cool... i guess ill have to just relax and enjoy the ride.

oh, i also got a haircut.! damn i cant post the pic... argggg...

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frustration... recollection... and another dose of cueshe

ever had that feeling that you wanna scream at the top of your lungs and start smashing the first thing you get a hold of? i did. last night while i was trying to write my read on the movie neverland the electricity suddenly went kaput. i was almost done. arrgggh!(sheesh. i guess thats why other people use word first and then tranfer it afterwards. i should have...ahhh! there it goes again...the i should haves.) but i guess its better than what i always find myself doing which is kicking the wires unintentionally. hehehe

ill try to recall as much as i can but unfortunately i wont be able to do it now. bummer! instead il post the pictures of last night's CUESHE extravaganza... (check out my pic journal)

movies...

saw two movies that made me remember, love and its complexities. first was bruce almighty, which had a history, a personal history. ive seen it several times but this time i noticed the gravity of what bruce gave up for the happiness of his girlfriend. wanting happiness for someone even if it caused him his own... dang! ah... love... the second was neverland. (hold that thought... i need to sleep.)

good and not so good comments...

last night i went out to sort of start bidding manila and the philippines farewell. (like im gonna be away for so long) in the next couple of days i would be flying off.

so i met up with two of my sober/soon-to-be-drunk friends at greenbelt3. boy! it seemed like ages for us to be out again. of course, we had a lot of catching up talk bec for the past few months we all have stayed home by personal choice and not so personal ones -hihihihi. for us three, in a sense it was self inflicted bec we have gone overboard. it was our way of making sure were restrained. atleast we all have control factor in the guise of house arrest/moneyless. but the night did not start without them telling me that i gained weight. bummer... what ever happened to the 3 kilometers a day of walking and jogging that i did while back home in the province. where did all the calories go, right back in after i burned them? what ever happened to the no eating anything but fruits? was it all in vain? huhuhu...

then we went to club government. the first few commets i heard was "why cut your hair, sayang ang ganda pa naman?" "ay...bakit parang tumaba ka?" "uy sir...iksi na buhok mo ah." "nice hair." friends saw me and smile and some cant help but say something nice such as mas bagay sayo. some more brave souls told me that i looked better with long hair. but i wanna try a different look. i was starting to get bored tying my hair. sometimes tehre isnt just much you can do with long hair. then before we left one of the part owners approached me and hugged me with gusto. after that he said: "ang cute mo...ang iksi ng hair mo...ang tabataba mo...pero cute!" i dont know if i was gonna be happy, sad, irritated, or what. for a brief moment i was frozen. i didnt know what to say. i didnt know what to feel.

then we went to BED. i was comforted with the knowledge that only few people know me there not to mention that there is just too many people that you can hardly move let alone greet friends. a DJ friend told me i looked better with short hair. he laughed and told me i look younger. i smiled coz he has the sharpest tongue when it comes to comments. and he is does not withold comments that are true. hehehe... i guess that sorta made my night.

ding! i forgot... i got drunk! again... hehehe

in trouble again

i cant seem to figure out why i get myself in the same kind of shyte everytime... arrggghh! damn libido... damn urge.

my "katamaran" is haunting me. i cant blame if UP wont give me my transcript bec i was at fault. i should have made sure i accomplished my clearance and all that shyte before i assumed that i can get it on short notice. i wanna hurt myself. but i am already in a sense. i am hurting bec i was so TAMAD. to think that i walked around UP while it was raining... arrrgggh!

i need to learn this LESSON...

dating

saw an episode of sex in the city tonight. and i was reminded of how certain things in life affects one's love life or how one finds a suitable partner wherein the feelings are mutual. i cant help but think that we are in this huge speed dating game where in we change partners so often and in haste intending to find the one that would fit?

sometimes the one that we see are not interested in us...sometimes its the other way around. and if your lucky enough, if you are, you find one person - one person you like and at the same time likes you. but hell, you have lots of things to consider. its like a stair way of qualifications and consideration. as you go higher the chancee of meeting the one lessens. its like cancelling out potential partners as you consider everything you like. and that is just your own personal criteria. what about the other persons?

danggit! if dating is like that we may never find that special someone. it gets more and more complicated as the game is played that sometimes you lose track of why you are playing in the first place. you enjoy the partner switching that you forget that your really looking for that special someone.

what happened for the past days

few more days and ill be flying again, although this time im going to the states. (come to think of it, resigning was really a blessing...its my second trip abroad this year ) but somehow i to feel restless. i dont know if going abroad again will be a relief or not coz i havent, as of the moment, done anything that i have come back to manila for. well except to see my ex.

saturday was a blast. althought there were complications and hurdles that almost prevented that night from materializing, i can say that it was worth flying back to manila for.

what was so interesting was the intense feeling of meeting again. it was like the rush when you badly needed to pop. but that night i couldnt care less if i dont as long as i see the ultimate GV - my ex. it was one of those night when the anticipation alone triggers body chemicals mimicking the ultimate high. surprisingly, my hit came with the announcement on my cell that they were standing where we used to. the fate of the night was sealed. i am happy...i was happy!

sunday and monday was spent with my brother, cousin, and dad. bonding time is so sweet. its sanctuary. it was wonderful. i miss those times when you actually enjoy each other's company.

tuesday was spent with dada and anjay. oh gawd i miss them. we saw cueshe again. this time i saw someone interesting. although i am almost sure that it will just be one of those night outs where you meet someone and keep it at that. the night was still amazing. i wish i get to spend more time with my friends.

wednesday sneaked its way in. after the groupie night out, i spent time with dada - making sure that she will not be late otherwise the whole point of waking up and going to work everynight is utterly useless. brought her to work and met up with liza and rachel. sometimes i wish i am still working so i get to spend time with my friends. i guess seing them all together not to mention the pictures that they have taken at the office makes me jealous bec i am no longer part of their daily lives. bummer.

thursday.. is yet to be explored... i wonder if ill have my gusto back? lately i have no interest in writing. i wonder why! maybe after i have done what i am supposed to i will bounce back. i dont want to believe the idea currentloy floating in my head that i am writing bec i have no other things to do. but for the most part of my blog i know it was. i guess i want to put more depth in what i am writing about. lets see how the next couple of days go.

pretending to be dr. phil (unedited)

until now, i am still dumbfounded when it comes to love. Everything seems easy when ur nt d one helplessly dangling frm its leathal web of ntricate mix of unstable emotional tendencies caused by irrational thinking due to obsession, offensive and defensive assumptions, ot to equal amount of reactns to given stimuli which is what people affected calls love.

Lately ive been consoling two friends regarding their currently sour love lifes. Suddenly m this love guru dat speaks of relatnship dos and donts like i am nt n one way plagued by d same dilemmas as they are. Yeah, i admit most of my nputs are bits n pieces of wat ive learnd n gathered n d past and some nt so distant rels.

I hav been n d two extremes of rels. Its actualy d reason why i had such a hard time getting over my ex bec i understood. I knw how it felt to run aftr some1 and at d same time run away frm some1. Its torture to empatize much more really feel, as n genuinely knw, y things are the way they are. An example myt make things clear. U txt ur ex constantly thinking ur winning him back bt at d other end of d line d ex s thinking, mah gawd wont he ever tire and realize dat i dnt want in anymore. If u are d one begging, and at d sametime knw how irritating it s wen some1 forces u to take another chance, one dat u've given up on, and simply wanting out, how would u feel? Tortured. Dats how i was.

So here are the things dat i said to console my friends while at d same time taking personal note at d back of my head. Sort of, d kind u put on a post it pad with a scribbled "read and digest later" type of a note, jus to give u an idea. Here goes: 1. Respect and value personal space. 2. learn to let go. 3. dont ask questions that you cant answer by yourself, or would end up answering by speculations and putting yourself in the ex shoes. 4. think youve done something wrong. 5. think you did not do something. 6. accept the fact that sometimes it just ends.

boredom talking...

***entry being re-evaluated

cheesy

"excess in all things s d undoing of men" -aristotle...

s longing for control and security excess? Or when wil u knw if uve gone overboard wen its d heart dat u wana protect? geezzz watching "alexander" makes me sound so cheesy...

***cell notes: 09/09

time to think and ponder...and wonder

Thank god 4 unlìmited promos i hav an outlet to d world (or d world outside palawan.) I bought myself i sim and had my other phone sim lock by pasd so i can txt away my boredom. Yeah i was anticipatn it and like clock work it came. Aftr 4 days of sleeping and watching vcds (and nt to mention no pinoy big brother) i got myself bored to d point wer i walkd frm my parents house to d skul. I dnt mind though bec i burnd cals while amusing myself.

Had a sensible talk wid my mom abt things that i can do if only m creative enuf to consider em. I hav reservatn on some bt wat d heck, im here to make em happy arent i? So y do i bother. Il tap n2 some of the things i am apprehensive doing jus to kill boredom. Aftrall i wont end up a loser. I helpd my parents, made em somewat hapi, entertained myself, and gotten myself a us and uk trip. Although D trip needs no effort, somehow i felt i need to exert an effort to deserve it. Ah i am jus so blessd wid so many options (damn y stay at parlance...Hahaha...Look who s laughing now...)

due to d limitless world dat globe provided me i was able to rekindle ties wid old friends. (personal note: thank globe wen ur already famous) i hav a ticket to access a world dat s nt bound by time and space, only by d muscles n ur thumb. I was glad to be able to catch up wid lots of people and one n particular, a dear old friend frm college, andrea abadilla. I must admit dat it has been years since we last exchanged stories. I am jus hapi dat our friendship was never tarnishd judging frm how our thumb muscle kept up wid all d stories we shared. Nterestingly our conversatn led me to ponder on relatnships. Granted dat i hav issues myself, i thought of things as i gave my opinions on her current love life dilemma. I m n no way trying to preach on here, i jus played d observer, listener nt too mention d unprejudiced commentor as she shared her problem while at d back of my head tried to plumbline my personal dilemmas according to a more logical and rational me. Sometimes it helps to look at things on a diff perspective as it becomes easy to be focusd on minor details dat prevents one frm seing d beauty of d bigger picture. So i gave unsolicited bits and pieces at d same time listen carefully to what i was dispensing. I may nt be helping a friend understand bt eventually myself.

For d opportunity globe granted me to live a life outside d box dat i thought defined wat i can and cnt do, im thankful. Being abl to see things n a diff perspective led me to realize dat i can fyT boredom and rule over it. I may nt hav d same luxury as i hav n d mainland bt i hav myself. Not every1 has d priveledge to take time off and reflect on life, love, and d oftn neglected options we hav n lyf. All i need s sit down and relax. Boy people would kill jus to hav dis oppurtunity. All dis realizatn jus bec of free txt... Kudos globe. I wonder wen wil smart relaunch their campaign? (ncase they do, i need a new phone...)

***taken from my cell notes, sent thru mms to yahoomail, and posted. (not yet edited.)

the cutest thing,,,

***pic was taken from www.apple.com

what i will be missing...

***pic and info taken from bigfishmanila.com

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kapuso overload...ewwwww

Its my second nyt trapped n dis island. I am now craving 4 my nytly doze of pinoy big brother. Unfortunately d only channel available at my parents house s kapuso. Bummer! Gud thing my dad spent roughly 6 thousand pesos on vcd last time he visited me and my brother. so far,I was abl to watch "ms congeniality2," "sister act2," "a very long engagement," and "sweet home alabama." Last nyt i wanted to cry. I dnt knw y. I havnt done much since i arrived except my daily push-ups. Tom i wil wake up early and try to sort things out. I am nt getting any younger. I need to get my act together. I need to be abl to map wat i want to do n d next 4 years. (yeah right!!!)

is it?

Was watching "sweet home alabama" last nyt (again...for the nth time) And i thought how would i feel if i am to learn dat my ex is to be married. Life s filled wid unexpected turns. who knws, one of these days i myt wake up living one of my greatest nytmare. *then i browsed through his pics saved on my phone and i asked myself, am i stil nlove or am jus in love wid wat we ones had. B4 flying home i was reminded of a simple yet insightful truth. things will never be d same even if d we dat i dream of day and nyt gets another chance. Its probably true, wat we had was so beautiful dat its jus nt meant to last.

death...

I used to fear death. D emptyness dat it brings, d sorrow, d pain, all dat i used to loathe. Ones when i was a kid, i wished id die b4 any of my loved ones do. But everything changed. I havnt completely understood life bt my perception is starting to change. age s probably d reason y things dat seemd undeniably simple turns out complex and back to simple again. Der must be a reason y we come n2 this world an nfant. Learning never stops until we give out dat final breath.

through d years ive learnd a lot. As i was growing i found it easy to question a lot of things and as d years progresd, like an hour glass, i slowly learnd as sands of wisdom brought abt by xperience drop n filled my thirst for meaning. My knowledge and understanding of things grew more and more linear to wat i was so passionate to question and protest. My journey was nt easy. It never was. I want to prove myself ryt no matter what. And d more i did, d more i learned otherwise.

missing...

I miss u. Listening to freestyle's "missing u" s nt helping much. D more i think abt it d more it stings, d idea dat our time has passed. I cnt deny u happiness as much as i dont want mine held against myself. We both deserve to be happy. You already are. I should too. Bt at dis time, m happy thinking of wat we ones had. It makes me smile. It fills my heart with warmth. D love dat we had still alive, its keeping me company. Its n d air. Its n d memory. Its deep n my heart.

statement

its pretty difficult to see, or know, someone hurting and surviving every day with a burden that i know i had a part on materializing. we all do things that leads to an unfavorable consequesnce. but i cant bear the fact that i had a hand in hurting others. i have. but not anymore. as i have written on my previous blog, I KNOW PAIN. so as of the moment i have made my decision. (but ill keep that to myself for the moment)

another pop rock moment

H A L E


CUESHE





Define GORGEOUS!





and look what the cat dragged in??? two MTV VJs! at a MYX EVENT... very interesting