my mom flew to manila to be with my younger bro earlier. it was nothing out of the ordinary since we fly evry now and so often that flying seems like a second nature to the family. but earlier i had this unnatural fear. i came to realize that things can happen, unimaginable things. and i felt an intense surge of fear enough to hug her tight and not let her go although i had to.
---sigh!
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
on purpose: pitiful life
i was reading "walk across the room" while rendering the video i was editing when it happened. out of the blue two bugs came and frolicked with my bedroom light. it was around two in the morning. and i am not surprised to see them going crazy inside my room after all, mine was probably the only light available for kilometers.
i watched them for several minutes circle around my light bulb before i mustered the courage to spray them with raid and only because i had to. the were distracting me and i was not sure if they had stingers. and mainly because i don't want to end up like our pet dong, kikay, who had her eyelids stung and sore. thus, i resorted to that drastic measure. after i sprayed them, i stopped reading and watched them circle over me. it took sometime before they got knocked off and... and then, i wondered.
i thought are we like small bugs? some people live like bugs. they go circle around one thing that sort of makes their existence worthwhile. they are attracted and focused on getting to that bright light. they get burned and hurt, i'm assuming here, but still they go on. they go at it until they burned their wings and eventually fall down. then what? they die. pitiful existence come to think of it. don't you think?
compared to eternity human life is like a blip, a faint and often times insignificant one at it. i imagined my blip to be like that of the bugs that are know scattered and littered all over my bedroom floor, at this time i have quite a handful an another three flying over head, and i felt my insides turn. life is not like that, is it? i want a more meaningful life. one that is not simply aimless. its just pitiful.
i watched them for several minutes circle around my light bulb before i mustered the courage to spray them with raid and only because i had to. the were distracting me and i was not sure if they had stingers. and mainly because i don't want to end up like our pet dong, kikay, who had her eyelids stung and sore. thus, i resorted to that drastic measure. after i sprayed them, i stopped reading and watched them circle over me. it took sometime before they got knocked off and... and then, i wondered.
i thought are we like small bugs? some people live like bugs. they go circle around one thing that sort of makes their existence worthwhile. they are attracted and focused on getting to that bright light. they get burned and hurt, i'm assuming here, but still they go on. they go at it until they burned their wings and eventually fall down. then what? they die. pitiful existence come to think of it. don't you think?
compared to eternity human life is like a blip, a faint and often times insignificant one at it. i imagined my blip to be like that of the bugs that are know scattered and littered all over my bedroom floor, at this time i have quite a handful an another three flying over head, and i felt my insides turn. life is not like that, is it? i want a more meaningful life. one that is not simply aimless. its just pitiful.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
purpose-Intro
If life is about leaving an indelible mark in a canvass of eternity i wonder how much of what I'm supposed to do have i accomplished already, or haven't? its been a while since i had time to reflect on things. and now, at 0052 hours i am faced with that nagging question.
I guess being a way from everyone that you've grown fond of through the years, in this case about three years, makes you think of things. i was tossing and turning on my bed as i mentally look back at all the faces of the people that for some time meant so much to me. it sounds a bit corny but i realized i was smiling most of the time. if someone saw me, good thing my only witness was the "butiki" on my ceiling, i don't now if id be able to explain myself.
but yes i was smiling as my personal slideshow of cherish memories run through my head. several times i picked up my phone and sent an sms or two to people i really missed. the feeling was just intense. but for most of em i restrained myself. instead i asked myself if they are feeling the same way, or if they have come to the same point where i find myself tonight?
then it dawned on me. for most of them, i am starting to drift slowly and surely, disappearing into the mists of forgotten-land. then i asked myself, is that all that there is to life? i mean, yeah you work, earn, meet people, establish relationships then as life moves on, drift apart? it got me thinking for some odd reasons, my purpose for existence. because if people come and go and eventually, inevitably, would need to move on, what is the purpose of it all?
if all it is, is growing personally and experiencing life and learning from it. then what's next? after we've grown and experienced things, where do we go? after accumulating all those information and life wisdom, what is next??? i wonder!?
now lets go back to leaving an indelible mark. i guess what I'm trying to say is that i want my life to matter. i want to live a significant life, significant to the people i ones loved and significant to those i am yet to meet. i am risking the fact that i sound more like someone with attention deficiency and probably someone who doubts his self worth but the thing that is burning inside me right now is i, as a matter of fact, want to leave an indelible mark in this planet. because if i don't, i don't see any reason for living. do you?
I guess being a way from everyone that you've grown fond of through the years, in this case about three years, makes you think of things. i was tossing and turning on my bed as i mentally look back at all the faces of the people that for some time meant so much to me. it sounds a bit corny but i realized i was smiling most of the time. if someone saw me, good thing my only witness was the "butiki" on my ceiling, i don't now if id be able to explain myself.
but yes i was smiling as my personal slideshow of cherish memories run through my head. several times i picked up my phone and sent an sms or two to people i really missed. the feeling was just intense. but for most of em i restrained myself. instead i asked myself if they are feeling the same way, or if they have come to the same point where i find myself tonight?
then it dawned on me. for most of them, i am starting to drift slowly and surely, disappearing into the mists of forgotten-land. then i asked myself, is that all that there is to life? i mean, yeah you work, earn, meet people, establish relationships then as life moves on, drift apart? it got me thinking for some odd reasons, my purpose for existence. because if people come and go and eventually, inevitably, would need to move on, what is the purpose of it all?
if all it is, is growing personally and experiencing life and learning from it. then what's next? after we've grown and experienced things, where do we go? after accumulating all those information and life wisdom, what is next??? i wonder!?
now lets go back to leaving an indelible mark. i guess what I'm trying to say is that i want my life to matter. i want to live a significant life, significant to the people i ones loved and significant to those i am yet to meet. i am risking the fact that i sound more like someone with attention deficiency and probably someone who doubts his self worth but the thing that is burning inside me right now is i, as a matter of fact, want to leave an indelible mark in this planet. because if i don't, i don't see any reason for living. do you?
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