el nido

The holidays in el nido. super fun especially if your with you loved ones. the place is special and full of potential but at the rate of irresponsibility and crudeness i wont be amazed that its natural beauty and lure would soon be a thing of the past. only humans can do such devastation. there i go again with my ranting. i cant hide or even mask my frustration. damn!

The place where staying at now, thank God were heading back home, is perfect. it has the nicest ambiance not to mention a really warm touch - free internet and credit card. talk about 21st century must haves. hahahaha

self talk

I've been staring at my ceiling for several minutes trying to lock into a thought that would explain what I'm going through right now. From my vantage point it seems a lot and for sure I am close to bragging about it if not for the fact that as much as I am busy or that I have tons of thing to do, I have again started on a seemingly unavoidable cycle of oversleeping - pathetic

I have discovered two years ago that I am a escapist. After my discovery I indulged myself in what would have been a marathon on bed. I thought at least I was not popping, sniffing, and gulping substance that can and have endangered my health...as if oversleeping was less of an evil. I knew I have to face this new found demon. Although I was far from the clawing reach of my past I am again far from where I should be.

Lately I have added on my repertoire watching episodes of Dr House and (again) Smallville. Thanks to the wonders of this age (piracy) I have managed to keep myself amused. Funny thing is the word, operative word: amused. See, the word muse means to be inspired, be absorbed in thought. Amused on the other hand means to be entertained. And so I was. Entertained. And admittedly I have pondered on things less and less. hurrah for those who record nice series through DirectTV.

Now, lets go back on the fact that I have tons of things to do. Yes I have and I am pressured about it. Sometimes I feel I cannot go on with the weight on my shoulder. Kinda feels like I need to do it otherwise I fail - my Dad and my Mom. See, I have made this decision that I wanna spend time with my folks and make them happy. I know they are not asking much. But the work set before them is so big and i mean gigantic big that I am just dumbfounded staring at it. thus the over sleeping.

Maybe me writing again is something. To my credit I have done really good. Sometimes I like to down play it but I'd be a hypocrite and a total loser if I have not done anything really ok (fine, I'm trying to be modest here.) I just feel like I can do more, give more. Am I asking too much from myself, nah-uh! I wouldn't be oversleeping if I am dried out of ideas. I am holding back and I can't face the fact that I am thats why I am having an affair with my pillows. (btw, they are so cuddly)

Josh you need to step up and be a man. face it. and nail it! dang. there I said it.

another year

A few more less significant nights and its already Christmas. There are tons to be happy and grateful about, dont get me wrong, but the sad truth is things arent as coloful as they used to. The air is not as sweet. The people arent as cheerful. and the worse is i have to make things happen.

its been months since i was last able to rant. its my favorite thing to do. surprisingly, i ran out of thing to rant about thus the silence. maybe the thing thats really bugging me now is that i gained pounds and inches round my waist and i am not as bothered as i used to be. maybe its really age. and i should welcome it with open arms. wait, i have.

oh well, i am happy nonetheless because im doing what i want and i get to spend time with my mom and dad.