while on transit going to my tito's house for the family reunion i was suddenly reminded how different things were. i am older... much older. a new year is at hand and soon another number would be forcefully added to my age. as my father drove on my thoughts went on floating and lingering. i was calculating and forming a time table on my head as to when i should start planning my future. a future that no longer had me alone but me building my own family.
i felt time was slowly and steadily ebbing away. it was so irritatingly steady and constant that i was starting to feel it as if the sand of the hour glass was slowly but surely overcoming me and burying me alive. even now i can’t put into words the panic that i felt. i wanted to gasp for air. there was an aching need to claw my way out of something, something that i am not yet prepared to do. my heart palpitated. i felt my body react violently to the idea. i am not yet ready for that.
a few months ago i gave marrying and having a family a thought. although my increasing fondness of children was getting more and more noticeable i cant bring myself to think of being with someone. of course i can easily resort to just having a baby, but i want to give my kid/s the best. (blogd about that...click here) i found a sanctuary. i told myself i can always find a girl even if i was, hmmm, 30ish. yeah girls like having a stable, older, mpore mature guy. "i will surely get one, even a couple of years younger if i like," i thought. but as i was sitting at the back of my uncle's adventure i knew that i am merely convincing and justifying myself. i cant bring myself to even start to think about that particular someone. i am not ready for this.
in the next few years people will start to notice me. even now i am already in the marrying age what more in the next 4 years. seing my nieces and nephews did not help for sure because it only made me look older. i am running out of time and soon i will be running out of excuses. i dont know which comes first but i can feel it with certainty that i am about to face that. i dont know why i suddenly felt that? i want to know if every body goes through a stage like that. a stage where in your almost forced to grow up. i cant be the only one!??
.jpg)
i felt time was slowly and steadily ebbing away. it was so irritatingly steady and constant that i was starting to feel it as if the sand of the hour glass was slowly but surely overcoming me and burying me alive. even now i can’t put into words the panic that i felt. i wanted to gasp for air. there was an aching need to claw my way out of something, something that i am not yet prepared to do. my heart palpitated. i felt my body react violently to the idea. i am not yet ready for that.
a few months ago i gave marrying and having a family a thought. although my increasing fondness of children was getting more and more noticeable i cant bring myself to think of being with someone. of course i can easily resort to just having a baby, but i want to give my kid/s the best. (blogd about that...click here) i found a sanctuary. i told myself i can always find a girl even if i was, hmmm, 30ish. yeah girls like having a stable, older, mpore mature guy. "i will surely get one, even a couple of years younger if i like," i thought. but as i was sitting at the back of my uncle's adventure i knew that i am merely convincing and justifying myself. i cant bring myself to even start to think about that particular someone. i am not ready for this.
in the next few years people will start to notice me. even now i am already in the marrying age what more in the next 4 years. seing my nieces and nephews did not help for sure because it only made me look older. i am running out of time and soon i will be running out of excuses. i dont know which comes first but i can feel it with certainty that i am about to face that. i dont know why i suddenly felt that? i want to know if every body goes through a stage like that. a stage where in your almost forced to grow up. i cant be the only one!??
No comments:
Post a Comment