Jus wen i was abt to doze off, a though breezed in. An nteresting reading of d movie matrix, one that i havnt rili considerd. I hav thought dat d movie was purely philosophical. Bt 2nyt i change my mind.
i was txting friends and sending pictures. (of course they were mine. Im a full blown cam whore, suffering frm minor self absoption and acute narcissistic tendencies.) in a way i was keeping tabs wid old friends. I never thought dat dis day wil come. somehow, much to my displeasure, i missed my old work. Wel, nt until i realize later that its mostly my friends. And also d fact i am trying to drive at.
d world is perfect. Bt beneath d façade of a almost ideal society lies a greater rotten reality. Humans are no longer living in freedom and free will rather they are reduced to living energizer. Wer engineerd to supply power for d system dat fascilitates d warm and sunny reality that breaths life and reason to a living
being. Bt its all in d head.
one awakes in dat reality. A reality dat seems ideal and peaceful. One gets accustomed to it and believes it. Bt d sad truth is everything s a lie. *i was abt to feel bad worrying abt sleep, being dat most of my peers and those that ive come to love as friends, wen it dawnd on me. Y should i feel bad abt living? Y should i be downcast by nt being able to buy everything dat i want? Y should i be sad dat i dnt hav money?
true, life would be a lot easier wid money. Bt i havnt been short of dat. Yes, i dnt hav too much to spare let alone bt m surviving. In an ideal world a guy like me should be making big bucks. I have. I used to. Bt wid dat came d need to work like everyone else. Yeah i had money to spend. Bt d money im earning i used to buy l living. I had to make myself feel alive.
my usual past time s to sit at starbucks and watch people. Id spend abt 500 bucks on drinks and pastry. I oftentimes watch a movie or two. In a week id watch 2 or 3 movies. And most of d time id repeat a movie or two more than twice. On weekends, my day offs, id partee all nyt. Id club all d free time i hav. 3thousand was easy money. Other free time was spent doing other things that is necessary to feel alive. My mantra then was bakit, pinagtrabahuan ko naman to eh. (damn! I have evrey ryt to spend, i workd my ass off everynyt)
i was working to live. I was plugd in to d matrix. I was working because i needed to live. And my virtual reality was d money. I can exist bcoz i hav money to spend. Little did i knw m nt. I was trying to buy my own life. I was trying to make myself feel m living. Bt i was nt.
i hav detachd myself frm d matrix and i am happy. I dnt live a life of luxury bt at d least i am living. I can do wat i really want and nt want wat i am doing. I dnt hav to buy myself peace, happiness, and satisfaction. Getting used to it s hard. D real world s far frm d façade everyone else sees. Bt its still real. Like it or not, it is. Yeah, Its hard. bt who said living was easy?
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1 comment:
the reality and the ideal - it's always the clash of these two mundane things that gets our world revolving, evolving.
i admit i am caught wanting in the same spot, the same dilemma that i should be experiencing myself; i could conform to your experience but i can't take it as mine.
what i know is that i there is still an uncertain future ahead of me whichi need to chart right now. i am happy though that you were able to decipher the real meaning of life and living. you are a testimony of what karl marx, and all the philosophers have been saying all the while. sad but true; disappointing but real.
but despite of this unrelenting fact, i have to give in to the capitalist dilemma, because life is so much giving up the most simplest of things for the most complicated ones; because today, the world operates in this manner. people have to concede to this because they need to live and subsist, no matter how unjust, unfair and inhuman things are.
say for example you're living for yourself alone, without your parents and relatives for that matter, would you willingly give up the job you have, and the luxury that the corporate world offers? definitely not. you need some means of subsistence.
i think what is apt is to get some sort of balance; some sense of identity and dignity despite of giving in to the demands of the capitalist world.
and this i am committed to look after. i wish myself luck, though; with such an intense desire that i may not be usurped and totally encapsulated by the system.
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