Anxiety Attack

I am having it again. I can feel it creeping in slowly and surely. It's a rush that I am not anticipating for. and come to think about it, it's something that I if only I could, I wouldn't want to feel ever again. Oh! crazy anxiety attacks, why do you come when I least expect you?

I arrived thursday. Yey! I was back in the megametro. As usual my list of friends to visit was long. I was excited, ecstatic even, to get a chance to meet up with people that I so wanted to see.

But somewhere inside, somewhere in me tells me that things are different. they are never really what they seem. It's like a part of you wants to believe so bad that you get yourself convinced that things are not what they seem. I was wrong. But I was also right.

You see, I want to believe that I can disappear and re-emerge back in the circulation and find the things the way they are. I want to feel that things are the same. That feelings can lasts forever. One thing is for sure, people will forever feel lost if only they would stop and think about it.

I had a chance to do that. I stopped going with the flow and assessed my life, where I wanna be in the next ten years, what I will live for, my purpose, my reason for existing. It was easy really. All it took was a flight away from all the buzz, lights, sounds, and what most would satisfyingly call "life."

This couple of days though was the real test of stamina. I am back in the arena again. I am empowered because now I can make decisions. One that I was blinded to even imagine I can do. It was a tough decision.

I dunno what triggered the anxiety attack really. But now as I write this entry I am realizing it. it's getting clearer and clearer. It is very easy to lose focus of what you really want to do. granted that you have found that one thing. the one thing that would make you live a significant life not a self consumed life. (that thought requires a blog) It takes so much effort to stay on track.

I got distracted. But the control of anxiety is now wearing off. why should I worry about tomorrow, letting it affect my today and not really enjoying life. why should I worry about something that I am not sure I will have. Waking tomorrow is a gift, a blessing. It is not a inevitable. Death is. so why should I worry about tomorrow when I can enjoy life now, today, with my brother.

excess: I just sure wish i got to spend time with those that I had on my list. guys you were on my mind and in my heart. -kaziel, ves, dada, shie, jay, matt, rexcy, shanz, jaime, mark, andrei, alex, rane…