jerk for a day...

i have just promised not to talk about this but the
nagging feeling, the irritating realization, the
frustration, has been bothering me. i kept asking
myself why was i able to be "diss" my etiquette when
it is mostly needed. i will not forgive myself, i cant
forgive myself. how can i when something meant to be
beautiful, hoping that i would, is now tainted by
unintentional pain. it pains me but i think it pains
pogs more. i am sorry so sorry that i wish things can
be undone. but it can never be undone. i was a jerk
and i became one for a day.

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The Jerk

...

No Gusto!

why? when u dont have a reason. why? when its no longer about being with friends and socializing but about the hits. "there you have hits" is now turned to "there i only have hits, and i will have hitz again and again." it has become an obsession. no stopping, no control. its supposed to be an event for peeps who likes to enjoy each others company but the candy turned us, them, to loners and hitz craving freaks. bad bad bad... tell you why i dont have the urge. its because of that. how sad!

...Another Day

contrary to what i want, i have been sleeping not at night but around noon time. i am not doing anything productive except to chronicle thoughts and ideas through my blogs - if you can even call that being productive. there is so much time wasted and i am starting to hate it. although a part of me enjoys the freedom i know i have to get my act going soon. i have to face my fear - getting back up.

i am thankful that i have my parents full support on anything that i wanna do. its comforting. i have to start moving and i think its a good sign. knowing is the first key step to doing. and i am tired of another day in mediocre paradise!

Drunk with Freedom

i may have just turned down my chance for a normal life. but what is normal?

its has been a while since i had time for myself. i have been working for almost three years trying to be a productive citizen and a responsible son. and when im not working im busy trying cope up with the waking world. for i was a vampire, a being designated to assimilate itself at night to accomodate the needs of a nation that thrives in customer service.

i did not hate my job for it has given me a perspective that was not innately filipino. the pay alone was considerably rewarding. although, if your not careful you will get used to a routine that will eat you alive. so, i resigned after realizing that i have reached my saturation point. i have gathered enough information and learning experience that the work has to offer. i was reminded that there is more to life than pampering a nation of people who lives their lives through debt and credits. (hihihihih...)

i tried to live... i tried to survive... although i must admit, those years were not just all about work, i was lost. not until i resigned did i start to find myself. i was caught up in the routine that was slowly eating me alive. i was working to live and trying to stay human by keeping up with the life that exist apart from mine. it was a sick cycle that needed to be broken. i did. i resigned.

before, i often day dreamed of how it would feel to rest at night. i never thought sleeping in the stillness of the night would be sweeter than i imagined it would be. its even more intoxicating than i picture it to be. it was... it was! i revel in the experience, the freedom - no work, no calls, no waking up. i drink the wine of freedom for i have tasted it not for so long to the point that i almost forgot how intoxicating it is. i am enjoying this.

Legacy To My Friends

i just saw "two weeks notice" and suddenly, without a clue, i felt lonely and sad. i was reminded of my officemates, friends that i havent seen in a while, people that i shared time, fond, and not so fond yet treasured memories with. because of my resignation i am faced with the fact that no matter how close we became in the course of three years, i am gonna lose them, ...the happy faces, sweet smiles, laughters, jokes, and unintentional bullying will soon be reduced to memories, memories that in time may fade.



When i was young, i often meet people from different walks of life. we lived in a pension house and people usually stay with us for short periods of time and then leave. at an early age of 5, or younger, i learned to accept the fact that people come and go. i taught myself to make the best out of the small amount of time i had with these strangers and make an impact in their lives. by doing that i live a legacy and that would keep the memory, my memory, with them. it was a system i developed alongside with keeping myself from having emotional ties because i, at that time, learned the hard way that its painful to part ways with those you love. the latter i was able to master. the legacy thing i developed through the years.


it feels weird that i live and survive each day without them. the people, the friends that i used to interact with everyday. they are now distant as the memories that are slowly fading away. yes i dont see them and it doesnt matter. odd. it shouldnt be this way but there is no other way. although of course life has to move on, having no one to bug and irritate makes me feel like a fish of of the water. somethings are just not the same without the special person that you share it with, things that youve gotten yourself used to having and interacting with. i welcome this change. i just wish its not this difficult.

I will always have a special place in my heart for those friends that i left. they will always be a part of me. its painful for me that our paths separated early but i am happy because they have in more than one way impacted my life. the pain of parting with the ones you love isnt as painful as i remembered it. maybe because we never really parted ways. in essence they are still here. in my heart. i wish i will be in theirs. i wish i was able to leave a legacy and an lasting imprint in their lives. if i was able to do that, i will no longer be sad.

dedicated to my office FRIENDS...
especially: Kaziela Laydia, Alcy marie Dizon, Angelica Corcuera, Anna Katrina Salomon, Liza Carbonel, Hazel Quiambao, Rachel Borja, Vianca Guerrero, Kareen Panghulan, Bonna Ofiana

Bummer... Its "A Walk in the Clouds"

11:42 PM 7/25/2005
I havent been able to blog for the past two days because my prepaid card seemed to have problems. It simply cant connect. The line is almost always busy. I wonder! And just when you finaly get a connection going a good movie pops up. shhhessshhhh... What am i to do?

***later... ill watch the movie first...

12:59 AM 7/26/2005
***disclaimer: (this entry is simply for the purpose of documenting my life and where i am now in terms of living it! thoughts included in this entry are accumulated thoughts, it doesnt mean anything other than that)
The movie had just ended and i was pondering on my own personal love life so to speak - my own two towers. I had two that had great impact in my life. due to the love theme and emotional suggestions of the film, i got into thinking about them. The two relationships that molded how and why i think this way right now. its probably a hasty generalization considering my youth. I cannot possibly have had enough relationship experience that i can call the two that i hold dear to my heart my towers; ...beacons ...plumblines.

although both had long collapsed and are in rubbles, i cannot dismiss the fact that relationships i have had after that had been carefully scrutinized and compared to them. lets just say that the two got the best of me! they had the most impact in my life - excluding the seemingly unsurmountable pain i had to go through to move on. the good thing about it is i got through them. they may have been two of my greatest love, so far, but the playing field is now, again, equal for life presents itself to be hopeful and full of promise of a better future.

***pause for CSI MAIMI and connection interruption: 2:05 AM 7/26/2005

5:39 AM 7/26/2005
for the past two days a thought have been brewing on my mind. while watching sinbad and sister act with my mom i realized it. what is love, or more aptly, what is real love? the word has been used to often that it has lost its magic - the life altering bliss that was ones available by just mainly uttering it. gone are the days that you get butterflies after hearing the word. now-a-days, you cant help but just have to think twice, not unless your naive or plain stupid! (hmmmm... i know this talk.. im starting the jaded talk again... should stop now!)

***mental block! (my brain is now walking in the clouds... to be continued later)

Random Thoughts 0725

my definition and measure of a real man is when your willing to sacrifice your happiness for those that you love.

Psychology Of Letting Go

Why is it hard to let go of someone even when they obviously have? Why is it a task to hard to execute when we all, one way or the other, let go of someone?

I was out with friends earlier and we got to talk about life, love, and ex-GVs (GV, a thing we call our flings that sometimes bordered a psuedo/mock-relationship). Its was not really obvious but hidden underneath a thin layer of sarcasm and self denial I felt pain and a distinct need for closure. A closure that does not come from the fallen beloved but for oneself.

We all have gone through failed, sour, and bitter-sweet relationships. The notion of letting go of someone is not foreign to me. I myself must admit, only to be save from being called a hypocrite, that i have given up and let-go. The sick-sad realization though is that sometimes its hard to let-go especially if your at the losing end.

If your that person, which I always find myself to be, you tend to hold on to the ebbing idea of a mutual attraction and sometimes, if your deluded enough, love. You cling to it like a lifeline in the middle of a gushing current - an emotional tsunami raging forward, wrecking your now alternate universe where you still see a happy couple, a distant semblace of what you and your ex used to be.

I asked myself, "why is it so hard to let-go and eventually move-on, when I know for a fact how it is to be on the receiving end of someone incessantly pursuing a futile endeavor, reviving a dying if not an already dead emotion, in the hopes of rekindling the fire that ones burned?" Why would it be so hard to accept defeat when you know how it is to be relieved of a burden caused by a love that has died? Asked now what to choose, its easy to say "to let-go." . But when your down there, in the pits of hopeful despair, in the dungeons of delusional rationale, everything seems possible. You go on hoping... waiting... expecting... until you wake up one day with the truth. Its lost.

I guess its hard to let-go because aside from the heart another vital part of our human-ness gets beaten up and marooned, our ego! Accepting the undeniable truth that attraction fades, love dies, and that there is someone better hurts us more because it leaves a nagging question - Was I not enough!? The truth is no one will ever be enough. There will always be someone prettier, someone better, knowing and accepting that makes it easier to let-go and eventually move on.

After Two Years... The Question Is???

Up to what point can our hearts carry a burden? How much pain can it withstand? how much suffering can it take?

Today marks an anniversary of a lost love and the heart's resilience. Two year ago I coursed a path that then seemed unsurmountable. I had no choice but muster whats left of my self-esteem and courageously face life. Life that for the months that followed seemed flat, desolate, without meaning. The thought of losing self worth never came up even in the most remote regions of my imagination. Yet it materialized. I cannot, even at this point, paint even the closest semblance or even describe in words, not that i have much at my disposal, of how lost I was during those testing time.

I struggled hard to find if not lose myself. I asked a dear friend how long it takes before the pain eases out. For at that time, I cannot bare to live another day. I had to drown myself with work and continously push, sometimes its more of drag, myself to exhaustion so that i wouldnt have energy to shed another tear. Although the more i tried to keep myself distracted, the more prominent it became. I am alone. The stigma alone of being alone burned to the very core of my existence. Only then did I understood why people kill themselves not commit suicide but intentionally cut the life out. The pain ate my passion and zest to live. It drove me mad.

I became a zombie, a will-less speechless person resembling the living**, driven not to kill as what is mostly seen on the movies but driven to literally wear itself out into nonexistence. I refused to blame others and one person in particular for its not our as fault as humans or individuals to look for love. Love that makes us complete or paints the image of wholeness. I had so much love growing up that I tried to shower it to the people around me.

The funny thing is we all have our own notion of love. We all grew up in a mold that conditioned us to accept versions of this idea so profound and necessary that we look for it, need it, even if its slightly twisted. Without a doubt I tried to give the most ideal and textbookish kind. Call me religious but i grew up knowing an unconditional type of love - one that is patient, kind, and everything else that that is written in chronicles. I gave the closest and most sincere version of this idea. I loved.

Its actually that I loved that I suffered. I hope its not a sacrifice but the more i look at it the more glaring it is. I had to risk getting hurt for love to be untimately displayed. For how would my ex-beloved know that I loved if he cant see its ultimate price - the willingness to accept pain, the vulnerability. Christ had to die on the cross to show his love. Imagine the pain he had to take.

My question now is up to what point, up to what extent can a heart take a beating. Two years has passed and I thank GOD i have finally moved on. But then i look ahead and i look back and i see a cycle. We love... get hurt... struggle to stand up... move on... and then what? Do we love again? Yes! But until when? At this point i ask myself Am i jaded or not? Although the heart maybe resilient, Am i in for another ride? But the most important question of all is "CAN MY HEART TAKE ANOTHER BEATING???"

**taken from http://www.m-w.com/ for the word zombie

A Question!?

I browsed through my 2004, 2003, and 2002 journal and I was surprised at how much Ive been through through the years. I can definitely say it was not an easy journey coming from where I was to where I am now. There are times that I thought I wouldnt be able to make it. But I did it. Now its interesting to be reminded of how different my life was. How miserable it was. I have no clue that I would be of all feelings be amazed and entertained looking back. It may not have been a very sunny two years but all I can say is that I am happy that I am through the most testing time of my life.

Just finished watching Manydy Moore movie "How To Deal" at HBO. Its about love, marriage, and (the inevitable for most American weddings) divorce. I Asked myself, why do we have to believe in the illusion of love when its almost certain that pain is at the other end of the line? Why do we ever fall in LOVE?

(long pause... lost interest to continue...)

I can not believe that I did not do anything today but watch TV. Usually I get to read a page or two from one of the several books im reading.

Today was utterly wasted. I was so unproductive. If I continue to be like this, a useless couch potato, with the amount of food I eat, I am afraid Id be a whale in no time. I literally spent the entire day watching TV. I would be happier if i was able to write something nice but just when I was starting to, I lost interest. Goodness! Talk about distraction. Guess Ill just have to continue the love blog next time. I think I am too jaded to write right now. I wonder what started this feeling... I wonder what led to this?

something sweet

lalalalala spring is in the air... and im a lovely flower

PREVAILING CHOICE

Self control is one character that for so long I thought I possessed. Sometimes its just not as easy as it seems. Sometimes you just have to lock yourself out. Sometimes you have to resort to something drastic before someone or something forces you to do so.

Saturday used to be the night I go out. (although Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights are not bad nights to go out too, hehehe) It is the designated night that I squander my hard earned money dancing the night away like there is no tomorrow. I dont drink alcohol not because I cant but because I dont fancy the drunken bloated feeling, not to mention not being able to walk or dance without looking miserably funny. On Saturday nights, I become a slave to the music, captive of the dance floor, and a devote worshipper of the lights.

Last Saturday and for the second Saturday in a row I didnt have the gusto to go out. If not for my ex and the fact that I wanna burn calories, I would have preferred to stay at home. I am in deep contemplation right now if this was caused by my "Lost Need" or because I am finally transcending a stage in my life - the carefree stage/I dont care about the future stage/I live my own life stage. Am I finally realizing that there is more to life thang parteeing?

It started when I got back from my recent US trip with my dad. I saw so much potential and possibilities that lead me to resign and focus on planning my life and aligning to our school. Its a big move, a giant leap of faith, but I knew it in my heart that it has to be done. My call center stint has matured to the point it is not gonna go anywhere else. It was a dead end. To stay there would mean rotting and missing the oppurtunities for something big. I remember having panic attacks after I submitted my resignation letter.

It was a difficult decision to make but I made it. I wanted to have a prevailing choice, one that would limit me from sliding back. It was a humbling experince not to have spending money and rely on someone. Although I know that the road I was taking wouldnt be an easy one I knew it will be worthwhile. I have to make a move before I sink deep beyond saving. My self control may have failed me but I am still capable to make an intelligent decision. A choice that would aide me in my transition - a prevailing choice. Everytime my self control would fail me I would always be restrained like handcuffs and shackles. I may sound crude and unsophisticated but it will suffice for now until I am back on my feet and can trust my self control again with strong convition

Struggle is nature's way of making us strong. Is it true?


***from one episode of LOST, dont want to plagiarize.

Moving On Realized Through The Reign of Elves

Imagine elves in their ethereal elegance sailing to the west and diminishing. A powerful race that has sustained the passing of time, witnessed the evolution of civilization, succesion of rulers and kings, drawn to move on and leave the world they have nurtured and oftentimes bled for - middle-earth. A very unlikely sight for a mass migration of beings that for so long have been instrumental in keeping balance to almost everything. Yet they go... without a struggle they submit to their fate. They moved on.

I have been watching the extended DVD of "Lord Of The Rings" for several days now that the illusion and magic of middle-earth has started rubbing off (to the point im reading "Silmarillion"... hehehe.) I am begining to identify and closely associate myself with the different species of the inhabitants of middle-earth - good and bad a like.

A lot of things has happened in the past couple of months. People changed suddenly, abruptly, unexpectedly. Its not out of the ordinary for people to change, its even inevitable, but the change turned out to be darken than it should be, ...than I anticipated it to be. Friendships were tarnished. New alliances were born. In the midst of all these things, I tried to hang on to what I thought, in my youth and limited perspective, is best and good, which later I found out was really out of selfishness. I tried to hold on to my own little version of middle-earth. (this may sound too vague, even broad a topic, ...I hope to expound on this. maybe soon!)

I had a job that provided me with security to live the life that I wanted. I had friends of varying degree that are always there, an illusion that I believed in and at some level hope to be true, if not for all at least some. I had a lifestyle that was perfect, or so I thought. It all seemed okay, my life, that was my middle-earth.

But things change. Even the glorious, magnificent, time of the elves had to. However powerful Elrond, Galadriel, Celedron were, they werent able to prevent the inevitable from hapening, they had to relinquish their reign to change - the rule of men. They knew that they were fighting a losing battle. Nonetheless, they fought ever so galantly. And when time came for them to move on. They did not hesitate but gracefully accepted their fate. Life cannot be as poignant and ideal, maybe for a time, but not always. One way or the other things change.

I hate to part with the things that Ive grown to love, beautiful things that I hold dear for what seems so long. One thing I learned though, is that change is treacherous if you work against it. One can not simply hang on to something and expect it to stay forever fresh, beautiful, untarnished, let alone someone. I had to learn it the hard way. I, to my disbelief, saw how change eroded the very core of what I though mattered. Everything changes. It a choice of changing with it or be changed after it. (personally I would suggest the first one, the latter is a painful thing to go through.) Either way it happens. Like the elves I will not fight it. Its a loosing battle, this thing that I am fighting and the time has come for it to end. Life will move on. I will move on.

Unexpected Find

Has my mind succombed to the inevitable state of a bum/ex call center guy... ...empty!? Lately, I find it mentally chanllenging to write. Everything around me seems distant, unattractive, removed, utterly boring. Then again, I havent had enough time to really reflect on things lately. My attention is focus on something. The negation of everything I was starting to believe in.

Just when I was about to internalized and accept the morbid truth that I am never to find my equal, my peer, a kindred spirit, I happened to chance on one. (crossed fingers!) Searching... hoping... nearing giving up, I found a fellow pilgrim bound for jaded valley. Ah! it is very comforting to find someone you can relate too. I am enjoying this after waiting for a long time. I may not have much to write about but its rewarding to have a break. (wheew) I think I am positively distracted. Not bad, after all there might be a nugget of gold in the mirky waters of this ever so complicated life I am trying to live. Lets waits and see how things turn out. Ill go with the flow, Ill enjoy every second of it... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhh!

Random Thoughts: Blue Skies and My Dimples

Ah... the sky is blue; I bet I am too; Deep inside I feel it. Bluer and getting more blue. But why? I cant tell, Its probably because of you, Maybe, wait... lemme see... ahhhmmmm.... not exactly you, there goes, Its me... But why? Have you asked yourself? I have... the answer... you deserved it... opps... ah! nah-uh. maybe its just my nature, me... just me... plain old me. I smile. Not becasue I am happy but because its life. It has to move on. Do I have to be bitter about it? Never! Why be when life really needs to go on. Whether you like it or not, It will. So better move with it. ACCEPT, live, smile... I did smile, its fun to do so especially when you think life is not turning out as planned. I wouldnt worry... Because its always good. Its just your outlook. Be positive. Stay positive. ...worry not and you will be OK. SMILE. c",)

Lost Need

Am I growing up? Maybe. I have stayed home, amazingly, for two gimik nights. And these I cant believe, I am planning to sleep saturday night off. I dont have the seemingly insatiable drive to go out. I simply dont have the "giyang factor."

I dont know what has happened to me but I find myself at peace with the idea of not going out. Alas, If my dad hears about this he will surely be without a doubt overjoyed. He might be praying for this, whatever it is that has held my passion. Has it changed? Is it changing? Have I lost the youthful spirit in me, the need to go out and dance the night away like there is no tomorrow. Is the fire truly gone?

It used to be ordinary for me to go out. Maybe it became too ordinary that it lost its zest. An event that was a routine. A cycle that needs to go on and on without a reason. A lost quest. Why do I really go out. I used to think its because of friends. It was, at least for me. Lately I noticed going out was not about the company anymore. Well not the company that I thought it was for. A rude awakening for me. It has been, as I was fearing all along, for the "amats." I hope I am wrong but the last few weeks has been an undeniable proof. I am afraid to see the truth. Because even now as I contemplate and think how my gimik nights have gone, for the most part of it included amats.

Has the group gone bigger that I as an individual often times feel left out or is it the fact that the circle has expanded that its almost impossible to know who your really with? Then again maybe its just me? Out growing the habit and need to go out sounds appealing. Its comforting because I feel whole. I feel complete. But Am I? A part of me feels that I am. Another part seeks the need, the need to be with friends. Where are they? Who are they really?

Smiling Content

Chat... Blog... Chat... ASLs, STATs, PICs, Ah! all these seem Nostalgic. I have spent majority of my day chatting and blogging. I was in my late teen years when I last did this. No work to worry just assignments that are not really as though and time consuming.

The thing thats funny though is that I was not just chatting the hours away, I was doing the same thing that I used to. I was busy looking for prospects, EBs, and SEBs. "Nah-uh!" I found myself talking to people and really conversing with them. On several occasion, I was helping them organize their blogs, add message boards, links, and profile pictures. I dont know what possesed me. I just felt giving and patient today to the point that hearing and learning what we've been doing for minutes worked was enough. I was satisfied. I am. Its a departure from the regular chatting where you chat for flesh (as what a good friend would often refer to chatting.)

Right now, my arms are tired. I can feel it about to collapse. I should stop. But technically I am not chatting to just help faceless, nameless, and ageless people. I am here to help a dear friend, tanikow. He is selling his ipod, again, and I am scouting for buyers. So for the afternoon I am a tech support/outbound rep/pimp. I almost forgot, I was hunting for a mate. No... no... no... no! not for me but for a friend who doesnt have MIRC access at the office. So, imagine this Im messaging the main channel and then relaying prospects to my friend who is using YM(yahoo messenger.) Talk about multi-tasking. Well I have manage to find him someone, help several bloggers, and managed to give my number to dozens of prospect buyer (I just hope someone gets in touch with me soon.)

I havent change. I am still the accomodating chatter that I ones were. Aint being nice cool? This gives smiling a whole new differnt meaning. I am Smiling!

On Sister Act

Was watching Whoopi conduct the first choir performance on the movie and guess what, I was getting freakishly emotional. Whats up wth that?

---nap time...
blog not yet finished

Itinerary For the Day

1. 9 - 9:30. Wait for dada, my baby.
2. 10- 10:30. Go meet my best buddy Yves and accompany him at loyola. (he is doing some research on the landscaping and stuff.) He will bring me to his mom's graveyard! ah... aint that sentimental. I hope he is not late. OMG ill ride the lrta again.
3. 6pm. Meet up with Doc Ivan. I wonder whats bugging him. I miss this guy. Havnt spent time with him in a while. hava lot of catching up to do.
4. anytime in the pm. Mervin is inviting me to join him later. Hmmmmmm... wats up!? I wonder

shhhessshhhh... I think I am fully booked!

Rain, Sleep, Compliments, and Thank Yous

Its still raining. The breeze is colder than usual and my bed beckons for me to sleep. I am struggling not to yeild to the sweet seduction of my pillows and blankets. They call to me, almost incessantly, like sirens enticing me to lay and rest, slumber. Sleep sounds undeniably appealing especially that I have been deprived of it for the longest time.

I do sleep though, but not in the lulling embrace of the night and all its wonders. There is some odd sence of peace during the night in which I most of the time enjoy not sleeping but contemplating about life. Lately, I find nourishment and comfort in staying awake as most of my peers, call center geeks excluded, rest and refresh themselves. Have I truly forsaken the light of day that I have chosen to thrive in the stillnes of the night? Have I embraced this lifestyle, as vampirish in nature as it seem, mysterious, dark and free. (dang mosquitoes... they bite... f*ck... so much for the creatures of the night)

(planned to take short computer courses and read books to stimulate my mind while waiting for my oct trip. ah! farewell PINAS)

Its been past a month since I have resigned from work and I am still not sure on what to do. I did promise myself a lot of things. At that time it was conforting to know that I had a plan. But among the several I had lined up none has materialzed and at the rate im going I dont know if I want to do them. One thing that is comforting though is the fact that I am trying. I am channeling my energy into this blogger. I find it educational. I learn things about myself that I wouldnt on a regular day.

Everytime I write it seems I get more acquianted with myself. Odd right!? I dont suffer from "Split Personality disorder," its just that I learn something new about myself. Recently I have been dogding compliments. I am never good at those. Its but polite to say thank you when someone compliments you, right? But for me, its complicated. I am scared that people might say Im boastful or worst so full of myself. I tried experimenting and instead of giving lousy excuses for a thank you, I just say "thank you for taking time and interest on my blog."

Good thing I dont see these people face to face. I wouldnt know how to react if I was to see them. I dont know what reaction to paint across my silly looking face, that I am sure given such an encounter would be pink, or what smile to mimick. I am never good at taking compliments. I am trying though. I hope I am improving. Until I master the art of being polite and courteous, as it is just to by saying "thank you," I will cringe and utter the words like I am supposed to. thank you. It works.

Topics

A piece of galunggong, two bags of pancit canton(lucky me), and now a bowl of cereals. Does it have to take so much food to generate a theme for a blog? I guess so. I have four. "Something Peculiar," "Compliments: Something Im Not Good At," "The Exhibionist Within," and "Sweetest Things." I really should start finding a non-food related way of getting ideas for a blog before I gain too much lbs that I cant do my theme three.

Ah there goes the glorious sun. Its light slowly exposing everything that lay hidden, silent. Lately, I find myself sleepy just when the sun rises from the east. I have been out of the "Call Center" community (thank God!) for a while but my body seems to disagree with me. It follows the routine I developed like clockwork. I dont blame my poor body, It grew accustomed to the grave yard shift. It finds rest as the rays of the sun beckons everyone else to get ready for a busy day.

I am still puzzled on what to write. I have four interesting topics but I dont know if Ill work on them one at a time or altogether. I would like to avoid boring readers by writing a very long blog (thats the exhibitionist talking) at the same time I would like to make up for the few days I was not able to. What? What? What am I to do???

Ah! Maybe Ill just focus on one and follow it up after a short nap (geez, I wish Id wake up especially that its raining) So, What would it be? mini-mini-mai-nee-mow! Here goes, Ill write about... hmmmm... "Something Peculiar."

-----------------------------
Something Peculiar: the events of last week.

The weekend has been filled with unexpected twist and turns - some rather peculiar. My weekend started around midweek. I went out and met my good friend dennis which I havent seen for a while. It was his birthday and he wanted to go out. Although I dont have anything but 500 pesos in my pocket I went out solely because I miss my friend.

I followed them at sidebar. We had few drinks and some good chit chat. There was a lot to talk about granted that I last saw him around last week of december. The Astoria event(maybe ill blog about this soon) Had a lot of catching up. I was a bit irritated at the crowd - straight drunk crowd dancing in a hip hop vibe! God only knows when I last grooved in that tune. But I stayed and drunk a bottle and a half of whats offered to me. Its not a big event but it was special because I get to be with my friend again.

The night ended. I went on and visited my former work place. Its almost like home but not really. The feeling is sort of familiar yet you dont want to be part of it anymore. I saw friends and more friends but before I get to tour the entire floor I was informed that I shouldnt be walking around the premises. Damn them! I stayed a while and then off to meet raffy. A friend I met a couple of days before. We talked... talked... and waited the night out. When it was around 7, I went back to the office to follow up on my clearance. After that I had brunch and dessert with Dada and Shineth. Then I went home.

Thursday night is "GIMMIK NYT." Met with Jay and Shie. Amazingly, the music at Governement was superb too bad it was just a handfull of us there to enjoy it. But it was a good night for a normee night. After that we went to Jay's apartment to rest. I managed to get some sleep and get hit by Rexie and Jay several times in the head before I was awaken by Shie, who just arrived from her final interview. Kudos for Shineth! She did good at her interview. (hope she gets hired soon) I went to the sala and followed up on my sleep.

You might be wondering what and where is the peculiar thing in this entry. Hang on, its about to be revealed. Around lunch time I woke up and decided to take a shower. So I sent a friend who lives nearby a message, asking if I can take a shower at their place. I waited and went over to take a shower. After shower I positioned myself near the electric fan to dry my hair. I noticed my friend was acting a bit strange. I didnt mind it but I was puzzled. Why do things out of the ordinary? Why? I dont want to put gravity on what happend, so i dismiss it as if it never happened. But I must admit its peculiar, the actions were not in character - I wonder!

(later I found out my friend is suffering from chemical imbalance. For that, I blame it on the chemicals)

...journal-ish

Just got home. Tried to read through some of my entries and edited them. Im such a lousy, clumpsy, and careless person who likes to scribble and write.