Self control is one character that for so long I thought I possessed. Sometimes its just not as easy as it seems. Sometimes you just have to lock yourself out. Sometimes you have to resort to something drastic before someone or something forces you to do so.
Saturday used to be the night I go out.
(although Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights are not bad nights to go out too, hehehe) It is the designated night that I squander my hard earned money dancing the night away like there is no tomorrow. I dont drink alcohol not because I cant but because I dont fancy the drunken bloated feeling, not to mention not being able to walk or dance without looking miserably funny. On Saturday nights, I become a slave to the music, captive of the dance floor, and a devote worshipper of the lights.
Last Saturday and for the second Saturday in a row I didnt have the gusto to go out. If not for my ex and the fact that I wanna burn calories, I would have preferred to stay at home. I am in deep contemplation right now if this was caused by my "Lost Need" or because I am finally transcending a stage in my life - the carefree stage/I dont care about the future stage/I live my own life stage. Am I finally realizing that there is more to life thang parteeing?
It started when I got back from my recent US trip with my dad. I saw so much potential and possibilities that lead me to resign and focus on planning my life and aligning to our school. Its a big move, a giant leap of faith, but I knew it in my heart that it has to be done. My call center stint has matured to the point it is not gonna go anywhere else. It was a dead end. To stay there would mean rotting and missing the oppurtunities for something big. I remember having panic attacks after I submitted my resignation letter.
It was a difficult decision to make but I made it. I wanted to have a prevailing choice, one that would limit me from sliding back.
It was a humbling experince not to have spending money and rely on someone. Although I know that the road I was taking wouldnt be an easy one I knew it will be worthwhile. I have to make a move before I sink deep beyond saving. My self control may have failed me but I am still capable to make an intelligent decision. A choice that would aide me in my transition - a prevailing choice. Everytime my self control would fail me I would always be restrained like handcuffs and shackles. I may sound crude and unsophisticated but it will suffice for now until I am back on my feet and can trust my self control again with strong convition
Saturday used to be the night I go out.
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(although Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights are not bad nights to go out too, hehehe) It is the designated night that I squander my hard earned money dancing the night away like there is no tomorrow. I dont drink alcohol not because I cant but because I dont fancy the drunken bloated feeling, not to mention not being able to walk or dance without looking miserably funny. On Saturday nights, I become a slave to the music, captive of the dance floor, and a devote worshipper of the lights.Last Saturday and for the second Saturday in a row I didnt have the gusto to go out. If not for my ex and the fact that I wanna burn calories, I would have preferred to stay at home. I am in deep contemplation right now if this was caused by my "Lost Need" or because I am finally transcending a stage in my life - the carefree stage/I dont care about the future stage/I live my own life stage. Am I finally realizing that there is more to life thang parteeing?
It started when I got back from my recent US trip with my dad. I saw so much potential and possibilities that lead me to resign and focus on planning my life and aligning to our school. Its a big move, a giant leap of faith, but I knew it in my heart that it has to be done. My call center stint has matured to the point it is not gonna go anywhere else. It was a dead end. To stay there would mean rotting and missing the oppurtunities for something big. I remember having panic attacks after I submitted my resignation letter.
It was a difficult decision to make but I made it. I wanted to have a prevailing choice, one that would limit me from sliding back.
It was a humbling experince not to have spending money and rely on someone. Although I know that the road I was taking wouldnt be an easy one I knew it will be worthwhile. I have to make a move before I sink deep beyond saving. My self control may have failed me but I am still capable to make an intelligent decision. A choice that would aide me in my transition - a prevailing choice. Everytime my self control would fail me I would always be restrained like handcuffs and shackles. I may sound crude and unsophisticated but it will suffice for now until I am back on my feet and can trust my self control again with strong convition
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